


But Just Enough

by NothingxRemains



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aromantic Character, Aromantic Loki, FrostIron - Freeform, Happy Ending, Insecure Loki, Insecure Tony, Kisses, Loki Feels, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Tony, not asexual though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 13:52:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16476785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NothingxRemains/pseuds/NothingxRemains
Summary: Loki clears his throat, swallows heavily. “I don't do… relationships,” he says haltingly, eyes firmly fixed to Tony's left.





	But Just Enough

**Author's Note:**

> So this is actually inspired by something else I'm currently writing. I'm a sucker for queer characters of any variety, and I have a particular weakness for Insecure Loki, okay, he's my bb. With that in mind, this is basically Loki trying to explain to Tony that he's aromantic, without actually understanding what that means. Here I have him somewhere between Quoiro- and Cupio-romantic. Clarification for these terms are in the end-notes.
> 
> Also Happy Halloween!

_“Oh, the things that you do in the name of what you love;_

_You are doomed, but just enough,_

_You are doomed (but just enough).”_

_Fall Out Boy - Church_

 

 

They're sitting at the bar Tony's penthouse, with Tony nursing a glass of brandy to take the edge off his nerves, because he knows he'll chicken out otherwise. Loki sits across from him, a copy of _Poetic Edda_ that he'd found in Maria Stark's library laying on the countertop with a bookmark a quarter of the way in. He'd been irritated by Tony's interruption but when he'd seen the serious look on his face he'd put the book down and waited patiently.

Tony breathes, opens his mouth, and closes it again without any sound coming out. Drains the tumbler in his hand and sets it down on the counter.

“Loki,” he starts, and then thinks _fuck it_ and spits it out before he can lose his nerve. “Look, I like you--well no, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you--” _fuck, fuck, too much_ , “--and I’d really like to go out with you. Date you. Uh, court you,” he flaps his hand, “you know that thing, going out and having dinner together and call you my boyfriend and do things that people generally do when they date.” He’s rambling a little and he’s honestly surprised that Loki hasn’t stopped him yet when he realizes he’s not looking at Loki, doesn’t think he ever was to begin with even though he’s sitting right in front of him, and glances at him.

The god’s face is completely, utterly blank.

There's a second where he thinks _god fucking damnit_ before he notices something… off, about Loki's expression. His eyes are just a little too wide, a suspicious sheen to them.

“...Lokes?” Loki sucks in a quick breath, and his lip trembles just the tiniest bit and Tony turns to face him fully with no small amount of alarm.

“I--” his voice breaks. This is not what how he envisioned Loki rejecting him to go. There was a small but not insignificant chance of Loki laughing at him and haughtily accepting Tony’s offer, or exasperatedly telling him _thank you but no thank you,_ or even alternative reactions that basically amounted to the same thing, not whatever this is that’s happening in front of him right now. If he didn't know better he'd swear _Loki_ was the one holding his heart out on a platter.

Loki clears his throat, swallows heavily. “I don't do… relationships,” he says haltingly, eyes firmly fixed to Tony's left.

That… is definitely not what he was expecting, and Tony's mind is whirling with disappointment and confusion and anxiety. He shoves it all aside with some difficulty to figure out what the hell that could possibly mean, picks through everything he knows about Loki at rapid speed, trying to parse out memories related to the topic at hand, however abstractly.

“...Okay,” he says slowly, chewing on it. Apart from his eyes darting about like a nervous rabbit, Loki doesn't move, doesn't elaborate. He could ask questions, demand _what do you mean you don't do relationships_ , but this is important, somehow, could be a pivotal point in the possibilities suspended between them.

He can tell this is more than a _you mortals are beneath me_ kind of thing, or the god wouldn't look nearly so distraught(and he doesn't, really, but Tony knows him, knows that if he can tell even this much from the infamous god of lies, Loki will flee at the smallest thing if Tony doesn't play this right). It's not male-specific, or even mortal-specific, he thinks, or Loki would have specified.

“...At all?” he clarifies, just to be sure.

“At all,” Loki confirms. He hesitates, and Tony can see his pulse racing, his fight-or-flight response kicking in, and he really, really doesn't want to let him leave without understanding what that means to Loki, what it means for them.

He steps forward and places his hand over Loki's clenched fist. He startles and jerks away but Tony holds fast to him, looks into chagrined green eyes from less than a foot away.

“Tell me what's going on up there, Lo,” he says softly. Loki sucks in a deep shuddering breath and closes eyes. If he keeps looking into those dark brown eyes, sincere and earnest with all the attention usually reserved for his creations, he won't be able to get the words out, won't be able to tell his closest friend the truth and do something much worse than break his heart.

He turns his hand to entwine their fingers, and Tony gives a reassuring squeeze. “I learned many centuries ago that romantic entanglements… they do not end well, for me, or the other involved.” He licks his lips. “That is to say, I have been accused of, of not caring, of being incapable of love. It is… there is no difference, for me, between how I feel for a friend and how i feel for a lover. Only whether physicalities are involved are not.” He stops there, and seems to have spent his confidence, because he doesn't continue.

Tony mulls over that, picks through each sentence, analyzes their implications. Being accused of not caring was not the same as not actually caring, which he was pretty sure was an important detail here, a defining factor. The general gist of it seemed to be that even if Loki says yes, nothing will really change. They'd probably have sex(and he'd be lying if he said he didn't want that, because god does he), but Loki would continue disappearing off-world for days at of time, would probably remain in his own room and demand a large quota of alone-time. Wouldn't do affectionate things like casual kisses or cuddling.

That...doesn't sound that bad, actually, now that he thinks about it. They would be exactly the same as they are now, best friends, just with the added benefit of sex. Friends with benefits.

But that doesn't quite fit either, it's not quite enough, lackluster in the limelight of what Tony feels for him. Loki has somehow become the most important person to him, and if Loki were to in turn treat what they had as a casual affair, he knows it would hurt.

Tony pauses. Goes over his thoughts again.

“Hey Loki,” he starts nonchalantly, circling the bar without releasing his hand. “Am I the most important person to you?”

Loki's eyes open, drift upward from the bartop until they find his again. His throat works soundlessly for a moment. “...You are.”

Tony nods, leans on his elbow on the counter next to him, fingers still laced with Loki's.

“And if we were to be in a relationship, nothing would change? We'd be exactly the way we are now?”

“I-- yes.” There's a light in his eyes that's not quite hope as he follows Tony's line of thought, but at least he doesn't look like he's two seconds away from fleeing Tony's presence anymore.

“Okay,” he says, takes a deep breath and let's it out slowly. “Okay, I'm okay with that.”

A frustrated expression passes over his features. “Tony--”

“Loki,” he interrupts. “Do you want to be in a relationship with me?”

Loki's brow furrows. “I don't… _not_ want to be in a relationship with you,” he says slowly.

“Okay, what part are you not understanding?”

“I do not believe you would be content with that. Else what would is the point of being together?”

“Claim,” he says. The Loki he's more familiar with surfaces with an incredulous raised eyebrow, daring him to continue. “I'm not concerned about you going off and being swept away with someone else, if relationships aren't your thing. But I… you’re the most important to me too, and I like what we have now. Does it bother you, the idea of me being with someone else?”

“It… does,” Loki says, and he sounds so confused Tony almost feels bad for him.

“Why?”

“Because…” he thinks it over. “I would become less important. You would spend more time with them and less with me, you would not--” Understanding dawns on his face, “--belong to me.” Hope blossoms on his face and he looks at Tony like the goddamn sun, and he can feel his skin heat and his heart flip-flop. Loki's face softens and he knows his feelings are plain as day on his face, knows he's never been more obvious about his feelings towards the god than he is now. He feels the need to hide all of a sudden, doesn't want to burden Loki with his affection. It's one thing for them to claim each other, to belong to each other, but staying the way they are now means keeping these things to himself, and god forbid he make Loki uncomfortable or sick of him because of it.

“Tony,” Loki says but Tony's turning away, trying to control his expression so Loki doesn't have to bear the weight of the emotions plain on his face. Fingers grip his chin before he's even half turned and pull him back, and cool lips settle over his.

It takes him a second to understand what's happening, and by the time he gets with the program Loki's already pulling back, but he doesn't go far, leaning their foreheads together, still holding his chin between thumb and forefinger.

“You don't have to hide from me, Tony” Loki murmurs against his mouth. “You will not chase me away with your...love,” he says, stumbling over the word like he still doesn't quite believe it, “I only ask that you do not hold it against me for not returning them with the same ferverence, if at all; such a thing does not come naturally to me.”

Tony sucks in a quiet breath, tasting Loki's words. “You're sure?”

Loki tilts his face and pecks him on the cheek, an attempt to comfort his friend, and despite his reservations Tony tucks his face into the curve of his neck, can't help himself. “It pleases me to know that you're just as attached to me as I am to you. And I admit to not being above, ah, self-doubt. Such displays would assure me that we are not remiss in this decision we are making, that you have not changed your mind and decided I'm not enough for you after all.”

His voice loses confidence the longer he speaks and Tony nuzzles his throat, stops when he realizes the intimacy of it could potentially take away from the comfort of the gesture (he's going to have to figure out more nonromantic gestures of comfort), and squeezes his fingers instead. Loki squeezes back.

“Babe, you're a god--if you're not enough for me, no one is,” he says, pulling back, and catches the tail end of Loki's eyeroll. “We've got this,” he says with a confidence he doesn't feel. Loki's face tells him just how much he doesn't believe him, but he doesn't call him on it.

He kisses Tony again, slow and sure, and prays that he's right.

**Author's Note:**

> Aromantic: Someone who does not experience romantic attraction.
> 
> Quoiromantic: Inability to differentiate between romantic and platonic attraction.
> 
> Cupioromantic: Someone who is aromantic but still desires a romantic relationship.


End file.
